


Three words lost in time

by Nuraicha



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Dreams, F/M, Post-Doomsday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-08
Updated: 2013-03-08
Packaged: 2017-12-04 16:27:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/712722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nuraicha/pseuds/Nuraicha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor dreams and thougts about Rose after "Doomsday".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three words lost in time

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first DW fic and I wrote it just after watching "Doomsday", so expect a lot of angst.
> 
> It was beta'ed by my dear Veronica (http://cricketcrazy2101.tumblr.com/), who read it even before starting watching the show!  
> I suggest to listen to the song "Doomsday" by Gackt while reading, you can find it here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5uhfOBloBpw)  
> Dedicated to Roxanne (http://archiveofourown.org/users/hellodickspeight), because she helped me to cope with all my Doomsday feelings! <3

He dreamt every night with her, he couldn’t help it, and, even if he could, he wasn’t going to stop his dreams filled with her, because they were the only way to possibly talk to her now.

His dreams were so real, maybe too much; Rose was there, with her huge smile, touching her hair with simplicity, seeming so excited about everything new he showed to her, like always. They walked very close to each other, in a lot different kinds of places: busy street markets, narrow corridors of space ships, beautiful forrests with alien trees, big skycrapers or enormous frozen desserts. So many times, while they were running away from aliens who wanted to imprison them, escaping from a devastating explosion, or simply walking peacefully, they held hands and the Doctor squeezed hers tightly, like he didn’t want her to disappear from him.  

He didn’t, never more. Not in that perfect and alternative world.

His dream world.

In that precious world, the Doctor frequently caressed her cheek, her hair, her arm or her hand, and Rose used to flush and smile affectionably at him; he smiled for his part and got closer to her ear and said these three beautiful words. She sighed while he moved away with that tiny and full of affect smile and she used to reply with a “me too, silly Time Lord” and kissed him; he held her waist with his arms and fought to keep her closer to him, for never breaking apart. Never again.

It was really beautiful.

Sometimes, it was Rose the one who say these words: while he was fixing anything in the engine of the TARDIS, she approached behind him and put her arms around his chest, whispering them in his ear; he smiled then and said “I know, Rose Tyler”, receiving from her a punch in his scapula, forcing him to drop the sonic screwdriver on the floor and rose to caught her between his arms and kiss her tenderly. He felt her smile between their lips, and that caused him more wanting, pulling her impossibly closer. He needed that, needed to feel her, her warm skin, against his, her only heart beating crazily against his two. He adored that brilliant sensation, having Rose Tyler’s tongue sliding with his, smelling her scent and feeling her hands around his waist.

God, what a wonderful human.

 

But they were only dreams, they were unreal, and the Doctor knew it, was painfully conscient of it, only a product of his brain, made with his memories, his fantasies and his wishes.

Because he wasn’t going to see Rose’s smile anymore, he never could hold her hand, run with her, laugh with her, travelling with her again. He never could kiss her again, kiss her like he always had wanted: shyly, slowly, affectionately, and then passionaly, fiercely, hard. He couldn’t, and maybe he would have done it one day, maybe she wanted him to do it, maybe she was upset with him for never having done it.

He could never know.

 

The Doctor woke up every morning, alone in his bed, with his cheeks and his pillows wet and feeling an unpleasant knot at his throat that didn’t vanish until too many hours later. But he got out of his bed, rubbing his eyes with his fists, sallowing away his pain and these _fucking_ unsaid words and smiling, ready for a new journey, to save another planet.

Though he wanted to scream these words every second, every minute, every hour and every day, he couldn’t and he knew he wouldn’t do it, ever, because Rose wasn’t there by his side. And he would never say it if she wasn’t present, she would never forgive him if he do.

So, in every new planet, he always looked up at the sky, searching for the most shiny star, thinking with all his being these words, hoping that she would hear them, maybe like him, in her dreams.

The Doctor smiled sadly and repeated them in his mind looking the stars and picturing her sweet face in the sky. He closed his eyes and reflected, returning to that Norwegian beach one more time:

_“Rose Tyler, I love you”_.


End file.
